Replacing my doubt

Trust----Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

This is dictionary.com's definition of one of my biggest struggles.  I'm not one to trust too easily, it's just not something that comes easily for me.  This past Sunday in church the theme of worship was TRUST, and, this past week Gav and I have had several discussions about trust and what it really means to trust each other, and most important--to trust our God.  My whole life I have been taught to put all of your trust in God and everything will eventually fall into place.  It's something I've heard over and over and OVER again, yet something I never truly sat down and thought about.  Being a control-freak like I am, that thought is absolutely terrifying to me now that I really think about it, but I think that God is really trying to show me something through all of this.  I strongly desire to be that trusting and to have that much faith--to just give everything over to God (who will take care of things so much better than I ever could), but I'm finding that i'm more of a 'doubter' than I thought I was or than I would like to be.  A 'Doubting Thomas,' if you will.  (Have you ever heard that song by Nickel Creek? Random side note....).  

Anyway, it's just been something that's been on my mind, and something that I'm really going to try hard to work on.  It's so easy to believe the lie that I know what's best for me...but that's just denying God's reign in my life and denying His call.  The truth is, I can only see a small small fraction of the big picture that God is painting in my life, and He will give me a bigger glimpse of all the things He has in store for me if I just let Him and let go of the reigns that I think I hold.  I think that's the key--Letting Him, because I know He wants to.  He really does want the absolute best for His children.

That's all I got.  Just a glimpse of the thoughts spinning in my head right now.

P.S. This upcoming weekend Gav and I are taking a little weekend get-away trip for Valentine's Day and to celebrate our anniversary a few months early.  He said he wanted to go somewhere and assumed that I wouldn't really be up to moving, much less going anywhere when our one year anniversary rolled around because i'll be so big, so we're combining it into one! =)  

15 Weeks and growing!

Good News!  We found our camera battery charger!!  Now we can take pictures again, sheesh, I feel like it's been forever!!!  Several people have told me to take pictures to document the growth of my growing tummy...so now, I guess we don't have any excuses not to.  We went to the dr. a few weeks ago and heard the heartbeat of our precious little one! Such a sweet sweet sound!  It's crazy what all is going on inside of me right now and so neat how Psalm 139 is playing out in me....God is designing and forming our little one as we speak and He has amazing plans in store for them.  How cool is that!?!!!   

On another note, we went out to eat to celebrate Mer's birthday last night at Olive Garden.  I love her!  My sister is pretty much the greatest---I can't believe she's 25!!!  I'm so proud of her, she just started back to school to get her masters in counseling so she can pursue her dreams professionally.  It's hard not to be somewhat jealous of that, but I suppose I'll just live vicariously through her!!  Maybe one day I will go back......

Oh we find out the sex March 16th----Feels like forever away, but time will fly i'm sure!  I still can't believe i'm almost 4 months along!  Where did the time go??!

That's all for now.....pictures to come soon, so it's not just my boring writings..... =)

Love y'all!

Just a moment to brag....

This past weekend Gav put on his first Disciple Now/Winter Retreat, and I think it was a big success!  The youth seemed to have a really good time, and hopefully learned something along the way!!  Ya know, Gavin continuously surprises me with how much he can juggle on his plate.  Between gearing up for his last semester of school, being the worship leader at our church, being the student minister, and still managing to be a great husband and take care of his pregnant wife---I am amazed that one person can handle so much.  I would probably breakdown and lose my mind with all of that going on, but he doesn't.  It fascinates me that not only is he able to handle all of those tasks, but he is passionate about each and every one of those things.  (Okay, not so much school, but he is definitely passionate about getting done)!  Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute to brag about my husband, he's pretty great!! =)

I added a countdown at the top right of the screen, so you can all countdown with me until the arrival of Baby Greer!! =)  Oh and good news, as of last Monday, I have made a complete 180 and am feeling TONS better!!  Still get nauseous some, but nothing like what it was! YAY!  Praise God for that!  I go to the Dr. this morning for my 2nd appointment, and we're hoping to get to hear the heartbeat of our little one!  I'll keep you posted!!  Have a great Tuesday!

MG

Life as of Late...

Well, my friends...If I had made this post on Monday or Tuesday, I would have told you the nausea and sickness had definitely let up and things were looking good....however, this is post-Monday or Tuesday, and what a week it has been!  Wednesday, I was in a car accident (completely not my fault)....it wasn't bad at all--thank goodness.  I was rear-ended and will be needing a new bumper and the other ladies' car was beat up pretty bad, but no one was hurt, so that was a blessing.  Hopefully I'll be getting everything squared away with her insurance beginning of this week so I can go get an estimate and get it all fixed up!  This is exactly why Gav says I can never drive a small car anymore and must always drive a tank!  Works out well for me anyway, they're much safer! =)

Thursday, I took a half day at work because I was feeling so puny, only to find out that I had caught a stomach virus....YAY!  So I took Friday off and have been lounging pretty much ever since.  My hope and prayer for this week is that I will continue to feel as good as I did on Monday/Tuesday of last week and have that continue....forever, haha!  I would really like to make it the full week at work!  It's been a while since i've done that (with the holidays and all).  It would be really nice to have a job where you could work at home in times like these don't ya think?

Anyway, on a lighter note, the Papits are in town this week and I mustered up the energy to meet them for lunch w/ Gav today after church!  Gosh we miss them so much.  Wish they'd move back here, but, you can't argue with God's calling and we know and have seen the great things God is doing in them out there in Cali.  We're actually hoping to take a trip out to see all of them somewhat soon to visit and they've asked for Gav's advice for sound equipment and everything, so that is right up his alley! He's stoked about being able to help and he absolutely loves that sort of thing!  He's so talented! =)

No other news really, just living life one day at a time!  Hope you all have a blessed week and that you find God in a new and refreshing way this week!  Love y'all!

Funny How Plans Change....

Well, Secrets out I guess...much to our surprise, on 11/24 (our 6 month anniversary), we found out we were pregnant!  Since then I have had time to pick myself up off the floor, and we really could not be more excited!  Baby Greer should make his/her appearance at the end of July!  It's really neat to look back on everything and just see God's hand in it all!  Before we got married, we were looking at one bedroom apartments because we thought it would just be us 2 for atleast another 2 years or so, but this amazing deal on a house opened up for us and we could not pass it up.  Funny how perfect God's timing is.....while we are just renting it right now, we are so blessed to already have an extra bedroom to put baby in until we can buy our own home! 

If we were going to have a surprise such as this, it really came at a perfect time.  The same day that I got the phone call we were pregnant, is the very day I got my letter in the mail from UNT giving me the go ahead to register for classes.  This has made me completely re-think my life's plans/goals.  I really love the thought of being a coach and I think it would be something I would really excel in, however, I just don't know if I am okay with giving up my nights and being away from my child for that long.  Being a coach requires long hours....before and after school practices everyday, and then game nights 2 nights a week.....I just don't know if i'm up for that, I think I would miss being with my family too much.  It is a bonus that I would have my summers off, but I can't decide if that's worth being away for the other 8 months of the year, ya know?  This is something that I am really going to have to prayerfully consider over the next few months as I have pretty much decided not to start this Spring as I originally thought.  I'm tempted to go back on what I originally went to school for....Play Therapy.  Lots to think about.

To wrap up...I've been feeling okay.  I've had some really rough days and then i've had some really good days, but I am really looking forward to these next 2 weeks being over so I can jump into my 2nd trimester, with high hopes that my energy will all come back and this sickness will subside.  I am so grateful for where we are right now.  It's hard not to feel overwhelmed, inadequate, etc....but how great is it to serve a God that will never give you more than you can handle and that knows the desires of our hearts?  We are so blessed and pray that our child continues to grow to be healthy and strong, and even more so, someone who grows to love the Lord and earnestly seeks Him.

Current Events in the life of me...

So I officially turned everything in for my online teaching certification. Finally being able to pursue what I really want to do with my life is just the greatest feeling. I cannot WAIT to be a COACH!! If you know me, you know that Middle school is my passion. I have such a heart for those kiddos, it really is a great age. People always ask me--"Middle school??? WHY?!? But ya know, they're still at that age where they are very impressionable and they still LISTEN and respect those in higher authority, AND I feel like I can not only coach/teach these girls, but I can also serve as a mentor. I have the utmost respect for my middle school coaches--they taught me a whole lot and were very active in their athletes/student's lives. They led FCA at Forestwood, came to my highschool basketball games, and even to my wedding! I love that I have stayed in contact with them for so long, and i hope to make that kind of impression on the kids that I am able to coach/teach. I WANT to be that for them! I am very hopefully for these next 6 months as I go through the certification process, and am looking forward with anxious anticipation as to what God has in store for me!!

One more thought...in small group last night we were discussing the passage of Romans 8. I stumbled across this while reading it in the message and loved the way it was worded...
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:26-28.

Several things there struck me as meaningful and while some of it may serve as a simple reminder that the God of all the Universe passionately pursues us and is ALWAYS right alongside helping us along, it was the next sentence that got me thinking. I cannot count how many times I have sat before God and said..."I'm seriously at a loss, don't know where to begin, don't know what to say, etc.." This passage clearly states that it's ok to feel that way and that does not matter because God does our praying in us and for us, making prayers out of our silence. Seriously, how cool is that? So many times I feel like I need to make my prayers sound pretty and use all the right words...but God says that even in our silence He can HEAR our prayers because he knows our hearts. The truth is, prayers aren't always supposed to sound pretty and they aren't always supposed to be happy, sometimes they're messy and words get stumbled over, and we get frustrated because we don't understand His will, but it's real. And I think that's all that God wants--He wants to hear our hearts...not just words put together to sound nice in a prayer--God doesn't need words to hear prayers.


EVERY DETAIL IN OUR LIVES DONE OUT OF OUR LOVE FOR GOD IS WORKED INTO SOMETHING GOOD.

wow. The message put a new spin on this verse that is so often taken out of context.

Just some thoughts...it's been a while

So, it has been quite some time since I last wrote on here. Plenty has been going on, but I do not feel as though it has been worth sharing.
Lately I have come to some major realizations that have completely changed my outlook on some things:

I have realized that it doesn't matter if the election was not the outcome I desired. People can complain all they want to and say that we made a mistake in this election, but what it boils down to is that God has called us to pray for the leaders of our country. There is just so much pressure, now more than ever, to do the right thing and make sound decisions in leading our country in this vulnerable state while we are at war and while the economy is flat out suffering. I pray that President Obama is up for the task, will make wise decisions, and constantly seek after our Heavenly Father---and I pray that we, as Americans, will not look to one man for guidance, but that we will turn to our all-powerful, all-knowing God for the comfort and wisdom that only He can provide. All of the complaining is getting really old---what is that really going to change anyway? Oh yeah....nothing! :)

I have also been reminded that God doesn't need me. Don't get me wrong, He wants all of his children to come to know Him as their personal Savior--but He doesn't NEED me. Whatever I have to offer wouldn't change or improve God in anyway because He is God, he wouldn't be all powerful or all knowing if He needed my help. This knocked me on my butt this week and actually humbled me in a weird sort of way--God doesn't NEED me, but He WANTS me! The creator of all of the universe wants my company---WHAT?!?!! He treasures and delights in me and wants the very best for me. What kind of Love is that???? I can't even fathom that---seriously. Blows me away.

I have also opened my eyes to the fact that God always provides opportunities to share our faith, but half the time we are too blind to see them. I had a really good discussion with a fellow co-worker yesterday about church and relationships and just the freedom we have in Christ if we would just embrace it. My co-worker had pretty much given up on the church and all the rules they put in to place on what you should/shouldn't be doing and was just tired of feeling like a failure and always falling short. In a very familiar verse to all of us, God tells us that we ALL fall short of the glory of God, but isn't that where Grace comes into play?

In all reality, it's not about the rules. If we spend all of that time trying do this and not do this, we have missed the point completely. God has given us freedom and tells us to WALK in it! He doesn't say do this and that so that you can walk in it, He tells us that we have it inside of us given to us by Jesus Christ and to start living that way. (Which reminds me---You should read the book Hullabaloo. I'm not a reader, but this book was amazing!) As you seek God, your desires will change, thus your actions will reflect what you believe when you are seeking. Gavin talked about this at youth one night and pretty much laid it out there like this....When you seek God, your actions will reflect that, which will result in God being glorified. You tracking?

Anyway, those are just a few things that have stuck with me over the past few weeks. God is working in me and it is refreshing to know that again. It's amazing what we find when we SEEK.

Next time I won't go so long w/out writing...i'll try to do better! :)

Love y'all.